A New Day

Subbed to Foundling Review on 10/07/09 -- Rejected on 10/08/09
Note: This was close but not quite there. It lacked something, a barb or a hook.

***

A New Day
by Robert Aquino Dollesin

When she let it all out on the apartment building rooftop, I decided to do the honorable thing. Help her make the right decision. Love would come later. It always did, right?

"That what you want?" Kippy said. The wind punched her hair across her face, billowed the folds of her windbreaker. "Listen to yourself, Layne. Is that what you really want?"

I stared down at the toes of my Converse high tops. "Look," I said, "does caring have to be a bad thing?"

Kippy stepped away from the rail. "What about love?" she asked.

Our conversation ground to a halt then. If I knew she was going to fall in love, I never would have climbed into bed with her. I looked over the rail. Trails of blurred tail and headlights from moving vehicles. It was a long drop and everything looked so small.

Kippy said, "Your silence says a lot."

"I didn't force you," I said.

"Oh, I begged for it. That it, Layne?" Then she added, "It's okay if you don't love me. I guess all I ever wanted in the first place was for you to like me."

"Look," I said, trying to keep annoyance out of my tone. "I do love you. Okay?"

She laughed. "We don't have to."

"I want to."

Kippy, she looked directly into my eyes then, and said, "Please don't say those things if you don't mean them. Once upon a time ago my dad said those same things to my mom. They got married for all the wrong reasons. Had more kids. Bought a house. Thought they could slip into the dream. Then one day they both woke up realizing how big a mistake they'd made." Kippy laughed. "Funny. The love they never had went away."

When I didn't answer, Kippy said, "One day you'll wake up and won't be able to get out of bed. Just like my dad."

She stopped talking, but kept studying my face. Then she clutched a handful of her skirt and said, "If we do this, Layne, I don't want that to happen to us."

I crossed the roof and took her hands into mine. I said, "No, Kippy. It won't."

Kippy said, "Promise?"

"Promise," I said.

***

I wake, look at the clock on the nightstand. 7:08 in the AM. No different than yesterday. Kippy's already up, getting the kids ready for school. I smell bacon, hear the clatter of dishes, the kids stomping and shouting downstairs. I'm feeling empty, used up, and don't want to get out of bed. I could do with a day away from the office. A week. A year. A lifetime. I could just lie under the covers forever, pushing aside these feelings of nothingness that stream through every vein in my body. Push them away. Far away.

Shutting my eyes again, I burrow in against the pillow.

But I can't stay here, can I?

I throw the rumpled sheets off and climb out of bed, still thinking, you can't embrace life when you have a wife and kids, a house and job. All the things Kippy said we'd have. Same as her folks.

Halfway to the bathroom I overhear one of the kids downstairs say, "Don't forget to keep your promise, Mommy." Then Kippy, she answers, "I always keep my promises."

My knees wobble. I whirl around and stumble back to bed. I try to push aside all the reasons I've given myself for leaving. I had a life before Kippy screwed it up for me. I deserve that life back.

When the kids are out the door and off to school the house grows quiet.

A little later -- I'm not sure how long -- Kippy, she comes up the stairs to check on me. "Hurry up," she says, annoyed to find me still laying in bed. "Get up or you'll be late." She bends forward to yank the sheet off me.

I grab Kippy's arms, just above the wrists, and pull her down onto the mattress beside me.

"Stop. Would you." she says, frowning, slapping at my right hand. My free hand travels up past Kippy's breasts to her neck. The fingers splay. Her throat nestles perfectly in the webbed crotch between thumb and pointer.

Then, Kippy yanks free of my grip. In a simultaneously aggravated and desperate tone, she says, "Come on, Layne. You gotta get out of bed and go to work."

I keep my gaze on her face. Suddenly her eyes grow big. She shakes her head. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

A few moments of silence pass. "What?" Kippy says. "What?" Then, it must strike Kippy the same way it just struck me. She crumbles against me and begins to cry.

All these years she's finally understanding. Me, I'm finally getting it, too.

"Why are we here?" Kippy says.

"I made a mistake, didn't I? I mean, we both did."

"We can't change the past, Layne."

"But we can change the future."

Kippy, shaking her head, says, "I'm so tired of pretending everything's perfect when it's not."

"Then let's quit pretending," I say.

"Throw it all away?" Kippy says, staring up at me. "Including me and the kids?"

"That's the last thing I want to do," I say.

"Meaning?"

I pull Kippy close against me. Her hands travel over my back. Her breaths are warm against my throat. This morning I'm going to stay right here in bed with her beside me. Maybe even fix the things that were broken. Maybe even find a way to keep from breaking a promise I made a long, long time ago.